Hey there. I have survived the wilds, my friends. Never has the coming dark been met with such dread on my part. Never ever. I was greatly afeared. All day yesterday I kept thinking of new things I needed�excuses to go out into the world and trudge around for an hour or two. Anything to keep the fear at bay. Frances called me up to see how I was faring and to say me and Bash could come stay with them because while they don�t have power, they do have heat. I was much much heartened. I can�t remember feeling so blamed lonely�though I�m sure I have�like I was the only one all alone and cold and familyless and a little bit friendless too.

I set myself up on the couch and I brought in all my food supplies and I set up all my candles on the coffee table. I also pulled out about 30 tea lights. As soon as dark began to descend, I lit them all. And there I sat the whole night long, with my wool hat on and my big winter coat on and my fingerless gloves and my scarf and my sleeping bag. And I read and I practiced whistling and I played with the candle wax and I talked to Basho and Miss Blue (Harold curled himself up tight under my legs so I never did see him to talk to) and I called up my little brother and talked to him to. He promised to feel very sorry for me all night long.

But you know, it was ok. I remembered that line from The Noonday Demon: "[Depression] is aloneness within us made manifest, and it destroys not only connection to others but also the ability to be peacefully alone with oneself." And I realized, I�m all right. I don�t mind this at all. I like this in fact. I am alone and so I feel alone, and this makes me a little bit sad but it also makes me feel good and secret and powerful. As long as we are all safe, my friendly family and intimates, we can get along this way. I read my whole book and then snuffed out the candles and then piled all the warm things on my bed and in I crawled. It was a good night.

I am, however, very glad the ice and snow are melting right now.

Claribel tells me that the temperature is dropping again tonight. 17 degrees, she says. She told me I should turn my water off and drain the pipes if my power�s not on by the evening. I don�t know how. I�ll figure it out, I suppose. I am also totally gross and filthy right now. No hot water = no shower for moi. I feel ick. I also have to teach. This is the last day of class, really, too. Everything�s got messed up. I can�t think of it. Blah.

I have been staring at this screen now for the past 10 minutes trying to think of something else to say, something better than everything�s got messed up and blah. But the creepy sadness creeps along. I feel myself just out ahead of it. But there it is behind me and I am again dreading the dark, dreading the cold, wanting to keep all my animals with me and safe. We'll be ok, right? Right?