I am at odds with you my brain says to me. I am at odds with you says me to my brain.

Every action I have taken or undertaken or overtaken during the past 96 hours has been the exact wrong move. In a word, I suck.

Everyone I knew or know or wish to know has left is leaving or will leave town. I am bereft. Alone with my stupid grousing brain.

My clothes are all wrong and I hate them. My pants are too big. Why am I wearing these pants? They threaten to fall off every time I stand and I�d hate them even if they actually fit and I have plenty of clean pants that do actually fit and that I actually like and I also have skirts and shorts and it�s bloody hot out so why didn�t I wear them? My undershirt keeps riding up and my overshirt is stupid and flaps around in the hot wind and the collar makes my neck sweat and I don�t wish to be wearing sleeves, for god�s sake, on a day like this. And socks with my shoes. Why, Molu, why?

An anecdote: my lawnmower, really my landlord's lawnmower, broke weeks and months ago. I ran into my landlord just last week and she asked me, practically begged me, if there was anything she could do for me, anything at all wrong with house or hearth. I�m such an ideal tenant she says. Oh no, I say. Everything is just perfect, I say. Of course I�ll sign a new lease, I say. No problems at all, I say.

Fuck me.

So yesterday, impoverished me took a trip to Lowe�s and used a credit card I should have chopped up months, nay, years ago to purchase a manual lawnmower for $80, a lawnmower that has proven itself to be completely ineffectual on my weedy lawn. Somebody slap me. Hard.

So today, impoverished me had the little beastie hooligan who lives next door mow, and I quote, just the front of the lawn, and I agree to pay him $10 for 10 minutes worth of work. Yes, I�m bloody brilliant.

Where are the grownups? The ones looking out for me, the ones living in my house, making sure I eat my leafy greens and making sure the bill collectors aren�t after me and making sure I pick up my shoes and floss my teeth and making sure I turn out the lights behind me and put out the recycling and return the videos on time and stop all that smoking and drinking girl it will kill you in the end, get some fresh air, pay attention to your dog, to your life.

As you can see, I have run smack into the summer doldrums and I cannot wait until no one has any more vacation time and everyone has to stay here in this stupid town with me and those same everyones will then be forced to keep me company so that I am not, in turn, forced to write another inane and boring and lalala stupid entry like this one.

The end.