I want to go home, friends. The circulation people are bitching about us cataloging people and it�s making feel small and ill and I want to go home.

The power went out for about 20 minutes. It was exciting. No work could possibly be done. But then I didn�t want to talk to anybody and so I had nothing much to do except to sit silently in the dark. It�s a good thing I enjoy doing just that.

Wait, I thought I had something else to say. Why can�t I remember anything. I�m thirsty and sad. Just like the ground here in this drought-addled state. I want to go missing for bit. It�s not much of an option. I write this instead.

I listened to a radio program earlier about transgender kids. These kids are my new heroes. I wish I were braver. I wish I were more true. The older I get the less inclined I am to make any sudden moves. To feel anything without examining the feeling upside and inside out, suspicious. I distrust everybody. That�s the real reason I can�t fall in love, I imagine. Because I�m a coward.

Let me go home, slow time. Let me just go home and lie in the cool dark, all invisible and me.

I�ll get over it soon. I promise.

Later

Ok. I came home and it's so lovely and cool here at home with my animal friends. I am eating one cold black olive after another and twirling in my tilting twirling office chair, looking out my window into the empty backyards spread through my field of vision. I'm all better.

I'm not good with conflict. Not at all. Not even somewhat ok. But I stick up for myself, even though I hate to do it. But I hate not to do it even more.