Sometimes life just doesn�t work. Case in point: I am so very stupid when it comes to finances, my friends. Currently: I have 50 cents in my pocket and I have a bounced car payment check (for a loan in my pop�s name, no less), zero gas in the truck (no lake for me), overdraft protection that is out of order (another bill that I haven�t been able to pay). I am in danger of having things turned off. I have never had things turned off in my whole life. If I do not get my RCC paycheck tomorrow I am also in danger of not being able to get to RCC on Monday night. What else? I have an enormous heating bill and an enormous water bill and a fucking parking ticket and student loans out the wazoo and babies, I am screwed.

Luckily I do have food for the cats and Bash and myself. I ain�t got nothing else though. And that food will run out and it�s not like I�m going to suddenly have enough money next month or anything. Or the month after that.

It didn�t always used to be so. I can remember a time, in the not too far distant past, when I made, at best, $700 a month. My rent at the time was $368 a month + utilities. Back then? I was able to save money. Back then I was insanely anal about paying all the bills and paying them on time. Back then I had many friends with whom I went out all the damned time. I don�t get it. Where did I go so terribly wrong? And on what planet does it seem like I will ever be able to afford to move? I guess on the planet that has me moving in with my folks. Frowny faced me.

Ah well. It�s a pretty day, still. Last night the fiercest thunderstorm in all the world whipped around town. It lasted for maybe 10 minutes, but it was something else. Scared the beejesus out of Miss Blue and the crazy wind had Bash huddled under the blankets on my bed. I wanted to go stand right in the middle of it and let myself get beat up by the lashing rain. I wanted a powerful force to bring me down, not this grinding dreariness of bureaucracy and pieces of paper and worry worry worry that has me half-disappeared.