Ah. This kid kills me. Brother Shawn has passed out. He just wrapped himself up in a blanket and laid down and bam, he's gone. I got on the computer to find out movie times (for the Matrix movie) and yelled out to him but he wasn't there anymore. I looked over and was just washed with so much love for him. Passed out little brother. He is something to behold.

This morning when I woke up (super late, too--I've been up and raring to go at about 7 am every day. Today I got up and it was past 9) he and his buddy Justin were outside in the pouring rain running around in the mud and behaving completely wild. Feral boys. I love it. They slept outside last night. Or rather, they didn't sleep but stayed outside all night. Justin, when he saw me this morning with Bash, he waved like crazy and said, hi! hi! Hi, miss, uh, miss Shawn's sister! Justin is hilarious. Last night he said, when I was in sixth grade I fell out of chairs a lot.

I went to the hospital first thing this morning with juice and bananas and three fun books which my mom will never read (her idea of "fun": statistics homework and an enormous psychology tome and the bible). I also stopped for coffee--which was a whole thing in itself. Did you know that my parents have never treated themselves to fancy coffee drinks? In all their lives? They didn't even know what to get when I said I'd get them. So I took the liberty of getting my mom a mocha and my dad some irish coffee drink (sans alcohol) because he likes all things irish. My dad and I hung out at the hospital until about noon. Some crazy lady--one of my mom's therapy patients I think--showed up and would not leave. She just kept jabbering away. My dad said she's the one who is anti-Harry Potter (because she's christian and you know christians can't like that voodoo stuff and anyway, J.K. Rowling's a WITCH--gah) which is funny because I brought my mom a Harry Potter book to read. Which she won't. But they were by her bedside. Ha. Fie to the christian lady.

When we came home we decided to go see a matinee of The Hulk. Super good movie. Then Shawn and I decided we needed to see more movies and thus here we are. Shawn passed out and me writing on the computer.

My mom's coming home tomorrow morning. Yay. My dad's refereeing tonight. Me, I'm not doing anything it seems. That's good.

I keep thinking I'll backtrack and say all the parts I missed over the last couple of weeks but I can't even begin to process all those parts. Maybe someday.

Dan's gone to Tallahassee. My mom said he won't drink like he does if I'm in the house (and it's true--I've never seen him completely wasted). So he's gone to Tallahassee where he can get good and drunk. He's coming back on Sunday. I took him to the bus station on Thursday and he asked me to please come to his first gig with his band on Monday night. I have to be at work on Tuesday morning. I can't stay and I can't stand to miss it simply because he asked me to come. My family breaks my heart every day. Shawn passed out on the bed even though he wants to be up and doing things, my mom all alone in the hospital, Dan in Tallahasse, Joe with his psycho girlfriend who reads his journal (and writes in it and says who he can talk to and won't let any of his friends over and Joe's friends are his life, you know? Man I can't stand her--but that's a whole entry unto itself. The way she creeps into the lives of everyone and tries to take over--she kept trying to get Shawn to come over and spend the night with them this week, using bribes and manipulation and it made me sick.) and my dad who hides the alcohol from Dan but who can't just not get it. He brought home a case of beer on Thursday night, after he knew Dan was out of the house. Heartbreaking.

But joyful too. To see the man Shawn is becoming. He's a knockout, that one. He's such a clown. At the hospital, he jokes and acts all silly like a kid but he's the first one on the lookout for my mom, the first to notice if her cup is empty. And then he's up and pouring her more tea or giving her another pillow for her leg. I watched him there today and suddenly I saw him as a grownup and not as a kid--he's got strong arms and long legs and enormous and enormously kind brown eyes. He's counting down the days until he can drive (and in the meantime begging me to teach him to drive stick--just on my folks land, please please please?) and then he can start the master plan. He's going to get a job, save money, move to the Keys, buy a boat, and charter it out for tourists. And also crab. That's the plan.

I'm anxious to get back home but anxious to not leave also. Monday. I'm gone from here. Oh heart like a hook.