Weather report: Cool fall morning when I woke up today. Clear skies.

Last evening I went over to Bathsheba�s to help more with the moving stuff and all the old crew was there�Derring Do and Timalina and Reginald and Barbara and it was nice�I haven�t seen them in a million years.

I have just erased the entire entry that I wrote. My reason? I wrote about how much I hate all of the above named folk. Yes. Right after saying it was so nice to see them. Hypocrite me. It was stupid. I don�t hate them. I just�I don�t know. I don�t find them that interesting. I like Derring Do and Reginald a lot�except they are such guys who talk about sports and beer and hot chickie students most of the time. I really do like those two, though. I have fun being around them, especially Reginald. Timalina and Barbara. They are nice people. Not my species, I guess, but nice.

My problem: I become increasingly unable to carry on with conversation. I found myself, last night, head up, looking at the sky or Peter�s dog and then suddenly realizing that people were talking and were they talking to me? I still don�t know. It all sounds the same to me and I can�t pay attention. I kept wandering away to be alone and catch my breath and one time Barbara was rubbing my back to console me about Bathsheba�s departure and I quickly backed up, faking like I had to get something behind me really fast. I probably offended her. I�m not fond of being touched�especially by Nice People who Mean Well.

I�m not very nice. I have a reputation as the meanest who in whoville, I do.

Reginald says he would elope with me tonight if I�d move to Vegas with him. I miss poker tons and tons. We need to find people to play with us. We need to lower our goddamned standards. We need more cool girls in this town. Who like cards. I�m lonesome for girl companions (girls who would never not ever ever on pain of death ever consider going to a department store early on a Sunday morning because they noticed they were having a sale on fucking towels). At least, I will be lonesome very soon. Because, have I mentioned this? Bathsheba? Leaving? Today? How sad is my life y�all? Somebody make sure that I don�t forget to move to Colorado next year. Somebody make sure I get the hell out of dodge, right. It�s too easy for me to accept and give in and not care and so what. Too easy to think my only friends here are two couples with nothing new to say about anything and no curiosity about the world. It�s not true it�s not true. Even if I have no friends at all I can make my own way and it will be better than that and my conversations with myself will be better than theirs. I�m not trapped. I�m not alone. It�s ok.

Ok. Plus, there�s Frances. And visits from cool girls on the horizon. I will not panic just yet. I will now commence with the not panicking.

Sheesh.