Hey baby hey baby hey baby hey.

I said my prayers to the god of the lake and the god of the broken wood and the god of the dirt and of the downturned and the god of the geese and the deer god and the god who protects the shallows and the god who bends to light the way. I said all my prayers out loud on the dock last night in the dying light and then I almost couldn't find my way home--the landscape of the woods is so alien since the last ice storm. I got a little bit lost in the dark.

But my prayers: it doesn't matter if no one's listening (but someone is--there is the air and the water and the earth and all that mystery), saying the words out loud gives them power, makes my way a little bit more clear. No--that's not it. I just know there isn't a right choice or a wrong choice before me. There's simply a choice and I've got to make it or make them more like, and get on with it, haven't I. It doesn't need to be a crisis.

And then today, it's so bloody gorgeous out. Go outside.

My poor old cats are driving me completely batty. They're on a diet, see. I got them diet food. We are in the midst of all-out REVOLT. I've had to lock Harold away from me most of the time--he's letting his claws and his teeth do the talking. And poor old Blue just howls and howls. But damn, y'all, my cats are fat. Hopefully they'll get used to it.

I told Claribel my secret about my headphones, about how I hardly ever have anything playing in them. I told her I put them on when Tia comes in (oh and she came in today. Damn that girl can talk. DAMN. And the thing is, she doesn't even pay attention to my headphones. She just keeps chattering at me even when I completely ignore her like I can't hear her. This is why her moniker is CRAZY Tia). I also put them on when the crazy collections development librarian comes in with his creepy finger wave and when the fucker in reference comes in with his stupid insults and other stupid shit that he says every single time he sees me and when the icky new guy who is so not new anymore stands anywhere in the vicinity. Claribel said, right on.

Danny has his first appointment with the psychiatrist today. I say, take courage my brave brother. I say, have patience meine mutti, don't hope for too much too fast.

Same goes for me. On both counts.