Um, for those of you without a serious Buffy yen, carry on with your life pay no mind to me, blah blah. I'm wicked serious. You DON'T want to read this mess. Also if you don't want to be spoiled about any parts of Buffy (I'm looking a little bit at you Frances and Jeff--and also anyone who's not seen the final episode) just don't read.

For the rest of us: ok. I've spent the day reading some academic bullshit text about Buffy (Fighting the Forces or some such rot) and it got me a bit hot under the collar. The thing that's been driving me wild is this notion that Buffy basically operates under this patriarchal blahdeeblah because she renounces her matrilineal line (calls the first slayer ugly, or something) and is totally ruled by the men in her life--Angel, Giles, the Watcher Council, Riley, Spike. And she always battles with and against this notion that she is ALONE, she alone stands against the forces of darkness, etc. etc. But! But! Tonight! After tonight I can say FUCK YOU to all those academics. Fucking brilliant Joss Fucking Whedon pulled out a great thing, one thing that I totally did not see coming. He had Willow make every potential slayer become a slayer. And thank you jesus. Because the world is not won by a singular hero. And this is where the academics got under my craw--because I agreed with them--Buffy, and her universe, has been operating, lo these seven years, under that assumption. Which, as we all know, goes back forever and ever--the one (usually male) hero who lives alone and lonely because of his heroism, but who saves the bloody day. Buffy though. Buffy's strength has always been her friends and tonight she totally blew every critic away, with the damned communisim of the thing. Fuck you stupidhead Ayn Rand and fuck you overlord hero tale. Ack. I love this show. Buffy subverted even that. The basic hero story its been telling for years. It takes an army of heroes, you and me, to win against the darkness.

But the other thing I've got to say--it's not just Buffy's story, which, incidentally, is why I adore this show. Also, I mean. This show tells the full story of all of its characters. And so for now, for just a moment, let me indulge in a bit of Spike. Because Spike is, actually, the character I have loved and cared for more than any other character on this show. Yes I love Willow. And Xander. And Giles. And Buffy. And Tara (RIP). And Oz. And Anya (RIP). (and in that order, too). But Spike. Fucking hell. I didn't see that one coming. Spike has consistantly ripped me to shreds--he is bad and he is weak and he is more human than anyone else this brilliant show has made. He smokes, goddamnit.

The thing with Spike. He started out as a lousy homicidal punkass. But from his first incarnation, as Sid Vicious wannabe vampire cool dude, still, there was something. He was hilarious, first. Second, he did not want to end the world, unlike all of his fellow soulless vamps (Angel, however...what a fuckwit). Spike was amoral, always. Except in his capacity to love. He loved and he loved wholly, if not purely, if not unselfishly--from the very beginning of his character. But the thing is--who did? Who loved without wanting something in return? Who does? Then Spike became the neutered vamp, attempting to live without a moral conscious but without the ability to do the thing (kill) that was his sole purpose. And he was so fucking hilarious. God. Then he loved Buffy. And, like his earlier loves, it was a selfish and needy thing. But it ultimately transformed him--this unrequited love for the ultimate goodness in the universe (which Buffy, at least at the time, sort of stood for). He became pathetic and we learned that any cool badass thing he did was just a cover for his essential patheticness (William the Bloody awful poet, anyone?). And even if Spike still operated out of this selfish and amoral need to possess, as Joss Whedon our overlord himself has said, if he was a being with no capacity for remorse or true goodness, all I have to say is this: so what? He acted heroically--he tried to save the world for Buffy, at the expense of his own existence, and that is what mattered. He was good because he acted good. He was more than the sum of his parts. (Um, for those of you who know me, it's the reason I love Data from Star Trek, too).

Ok. So this was all before season six. Bloody season six. For most of it, excepting all the Willow parts, I was on board--philosophically, at least (the writing and character development, however, were idiotic for most of that season, I still believe). The thing is, I believe that Spike effected a redemption by the time that musical episode aired. And then they ruined it (after the musical, I mean). But he was good. In any case, if we go by the "text" he was still this amoral being with a serious hard on for the slayer. And she, with her numbed out depressed death wish, had a serious hard on for the amoral killer guy. Ok. Fine. I'm going with it. He tries to rape her (how fucking STUPID was that? I mean, the whole idea of a vampire feeding is just an emotional metaphor for sex--wouldn't he have tried to bite her for fucks sake? Anyway. That's in the past, moving on.) He can't, of course, because, you know, she is the slayer and all. But the thing is, he is horrified by what he's done. Horrified. He goes and he gets his soul to redeem himself to Buffy. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, dude's already redeemed himself a whole season ago.

And tonight, shit. He died. Spike died. He saved the bloody world and he died. I'm utterly heartbroken. He was the champion. The champion and the one redeemed by this whole show. Why couldn't that have been bloody stinking idiot rutting Angel? Ugh. I see the greatness of Joss Whedon--it was, in the end, truly a Spike redemption tale, this Buffy the Vampire Slayer show.

But I love Spike. Ok. Granted I'm a bit pathetic when it come to this character. But he died and I loved him. He saved the world. Fuck you Angel. That's all I have to say.

And also, Buffy is over. Eek. Buffy is over and Spike is dead. Oh woe is me. Also, I'm a tiny bit drunk. Good night.

Oh fuck that, let's let Spike have the last word: "I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."