I can�t seem to get anything done. My brain�s a vast fog and I can�t find any of the important bits, the furniture of a mind at work, or even rooms where the furniture might once have been, not even a house, not even a hovel, not even a cave, not even a tree. Bare blank gray.

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Damn. It�s true, like Joni Mitchell says, you don�t know what you got till it�s gone. My boss retired last Friday and already this place sucks beyond all suckage. Hate the new interim person. No, that ain�t true. Here�s a story: One time, after I�d just started here, the person who is now the new interim person (name=MJ) ran from the office in sobs screaming about how inadequate she is. So, compassion yes, but really, truly, she is terrible with the whole management business. She�s all power mad. She�s drunk with the power. Today's lesson in psychobullshit: good managers, good friends, good people�they don�t get their sense of self-worth from external signs. The end.

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I had a brilliant weekend. The weather is so ridiculously fine�all warm and friendly. We had a bonfire on Saturday and waved to the church kids Mr. William arranged hay rides for. We brought out a wool blanket and ate perfectly perfect sweet potatoes for our supper by the bonfire. I lay down on the blanket and my arm fell asleep and I was cold and uncomfortable and I thought, thank god for the discomfort. If I were cozy and content I would not see the night sky or how the smoke curls up against the blackness or smell the wood burning or feel the hard solid temporal earth beneath me.

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I read A Grief Observed. A book like a sword, true and cruel and joyful and angry. I needed it, needed to be scoured by the true tongue, by the hardness of love.

I can�t stand the muddle. Each day gets harder to tolerate the muddling muddle of other people�s brains. They add confusion that seems so unnecessary. I don�t want to talk to anyone except Jeff. That�s it and that�s all. I want a great silence. I want a great forest and a great quiet and a clean cold river.

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We went for a walk at the Birkhead Wilderness area on Sunday with the dogs. They are so funny! They are so good! Peaches swam! I almost cried, it was the funniest and best thing I ever saw. We were on one side of a little watering hole and she was on the other and there was no way across except for swimming and so she just dove in and swam. Bash took a mud bath and Frankie lay half in and half out of the water. Great creatures, these dogs.

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Email I got yesterday from silent student Stari:

Hi Molly,

Sorry I haven't been in to work but Thursday night my house got robbed. I don't know if I will be back to work this semester but next semester I plan to move on campus and plan to work for yall for the spring semester. Please email me back.

Is this not strange? I mean, I�ve been known to tell some weird lies and I�ve been known to quit jobs in a less than professional manner and I�ve certainly been known to combine the two activities, but this? I can�t imagine laying out some goofy lines, giving no notice, taking off for two months, and still thinking I have a job. Wacky Stari. No job for you.