I want to write but I don�t know what to say.*

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Got home last night just after 6 and Jeff wasn�t there. The mail was in the mailbox, the messages on the answering machine were unchecked, the dogs were freaking the fuck out, the food was all still in the refrigerator, the dishes still weren�t done (and y�all know I don�t do any dishes, right? Anyway, Jeff is the one that eats all the food because he has worms). Jeff had a meeting at 9 in the morning. Meetings don�t last for 9 or 10 hours. I know from meetings. I work at the library. So I went for a walk and then I called my dad and chitchatted (I said, tell me all the reasons why Jeff wouldn't be home right now. My dad paused and then said, yep he's probably dead.) and then it was after 7 pm and he still wasn�t home. I was just about to start calling people and smoking ten cigarettes at once meanwhile drinking three beers together when: ding ding! He pulled up. I was very very very very very very very very very happy to see him. I keep expecting something calamitous to happen, some horrible fate to befall us. Because people don�t get to be this happy. I read all the books, I seen all the movies, I listened to all them sad sack love songs. So I�m waiting and then he�s late and I think, here it is. You had your taste from the cup of joy, now give it back. Ah, but he came home. Safe for at least another day.

Each day these are my new prayers: thank you.

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I�m totally broke. I wonder if I ever won�t be totally broke. I was offered a class at a nearby school and the pay is the good pay ($3000/class) but I just can�t figure out how I could do it. I spend about 11 hours away from home each day as it is. I get home at 6 pm and I'm out cold by 9:30 pm. I get up at 5:30 in the am and that gives me just enough time to walk down to the river with the pups and get myself ready and out the door by 7. That�s it, that�s my every day of the week. 4.5 hours at home. There just ain�t no time and I don�t want to neglect the pups anymore than I already do. So yep. I�ll just continue to be totally broke. Ain�t nothing new. Plus, y�all remember how much I hate teaching. So there�s that. I told my dad last night and he was all, take it! Take it! And I was all, waaaaah! I hate teaching! And he was all, you wuss! He�s right. He�s also a workhorse, godblesshim. He works every damned day, even when he has time off. He used to, when he was younger, on his days off, he�d go to manpower to earn a little extra cash to pay for the niceties of life. He works, that�s what my dad does. I told him that it�s more important for me to enjoy my life, and he said, yeah, don�t you owe me some cash from how much you enjoy your life? I said, you�re such a good poppa.

He�s going up to Tallahassee this weekend to fix Dan�s car so Dan can drive his broke ass back home. He�s worn out his welcome among his friends. Again. He�s starting grad school in January. Hope that works.

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Five things that annoy me:

1. �information� �technology� �experts�. They are all stupid idiots.
2. Holiday luncheons.
3. Scratch that. Luncheons.
4. Moving office shit. I swear. I�m a move my desk around so nobody can see me again. This new arrangement bites.
5. Your face.

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(damn, I�m a badass motherfucker. You see that?)

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I�m excited because it�s almost holiday times. I know I�m not supposed to like the holidays, that I should think that this is the saddest bluest time of the year or whatever, but I can�t help myself. I love them! I love seeing family! I love holiday travel! I think it's fun to give and recieve lots and lots of presents! I love not going to work! I love big ridiculous bloated holiday meals! I love cookies baking! I love pie! I love longs walks after pie! All the normal everyday rules are totally different during the holidays. Like hurricanes and blackouts and such. The holidays are like a built-in snow storm. No school!

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We bought a big old Bruce Springsteen cd for the drive back home from Maryland. I�m a listen to that right now. Yessir. Bruce Springsteen is my longest standing still boyfriend of everybody. I�m a listen to Thunder Road, y�all. You ain�t a beauty but hey you�re all right and that's all right with me. Bye bye.

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*This is the most boring way to begin a journal entry. This is a public service announcement, not the beginning of this journal entry.