I dreamt last night that my brothers and I were at the lake. We started to swim and it became clear that I had to get them all across without them knowing that they were in danger. There were lots of big swimming bears trying to get us. I held Shawn, who was about the size of Peaches. Joe was also Frankie. Oliver kept telling me about his new job and going back to school and I had to pretend to be interested even though I knew Dan was falling behind and that the bears were gaining on him. Such helplessness.

The morning is cool and gorgeous. I feel soaked through with anxiety and despair.