Shit! It�s one o�clock. Shit. I�m on spring break over here, which means I still have to work, I just don�t have to teach. Which means I planned all this fucking grading to do and I have not done one lick of it. Damnation.

I feel like shit today. I thought I was supposed to start feeling better around now? I�m about two weeks shy of the first trimester (yep, I�m pregnant) and all the sudden it�s a barfapalooza around here. I feel faint and sea sick and can�t get the smell of beans and rice out of my nose from last night�s supper which ended up in the toilet via MY NOSE. Awful. Then I cried. Which I also do all the damned time now. I�m a big cry baby. And then I worry about how to tell my boss. And what people in this part of the world, all my good christian students, will think of me when they find out. Ain�t married, am knocked up. Which I was totally happy about! Which is what I wanted! But now I am the master of ambivalence. Ugh. And will I quit my job? Really? Wouldn�t that be totally stupid? But if I don�t, how will this all happen? What�s going to happen?

I�ve spent the morning looking at au pair sites. I�m not even kidding. I�m also seriously thinking of asking my drunk brother to come be this baby�s nanny. He wouldn�t be drunk with the baby, I figure, and the fella is about perfect when it comes to the whole nurturing caretaker thing, plus uncle! As baby nanny! That�s probably the worst idea ever.

I�m about to have one of my fits right now. I lose all mental and emotional control if I do not eat constantly. I had breakfast at nine. That was like three, four hours ago. Roar. Yesterday at this time I left work with absolutely nothing done and drove to Subway for a delicious sandwich (oh I want subway rightnow) but a big busload of students had just disembarked so then I drove on and ended up thirty miles away at a taco bell. I ordered a mountain dew, and the lady misunderstood me and thought I said iced tea and I said, NO MOUNTAIN DEW, and she said, OK LADY CALM DOWN. I need a t-shirt or something: DO FEED PREGNANT MONSTER.

I wish, most days, that Jeff was the pregnant one. He�d do this so much more gracefully. I have been avoiding going to yoga for the past 5 or 6 weeks because I don�t want to have the squeeee you�re preggers!!! Eeeee!!!! thing with my yoga teacher, who is so nice and awesome, but, I just hate being noticed and it�s impossible to not be noticed when you tell people that you are pregnant. Why didn�t I think about this fact? My grandmother wanted to call me on the phone! I have successfully avoided this woman for ten years! The horror! My brother�s girlfriend/soon-to-be-wife called me on the phone! And sent many many excessive presents! I cannot talk on the phone to Jessica! No no no. These turns of events had not occurred to me. Make it stop.

Can�t we just pretend I�m not pregnant for a while longer? Like for the next 6 months or so?