Ugh. I don't know what the fuck my problem is. I can't get my shit done. And it's pretty much the end of the semester. I could be kicking back and relaxing, but NO. I have to procrastinate and moan about my ill fortune all the time and get nothing done. Including the ten millions of papers from my teeming hordes of students.

This week, which is really the one week I have to actually work hard, is the week of apathy for me. I just don't care.

I have been filled with so many horrible beastly feelings. Also.

Pregnancy does not make me nice. Pregnancy makes me mean. I didn't know that would happen. I have all this anger, rage boiling around in me. I'm not usually an angry person. But now, I want to cut people off in traffic and yell at checkout people in stores. I want to say bad words to my students and neighbors. I want to frown and narrow my eyes menacingly at my boss (who I still haven't told I'm pregnant).

The only good thing is the kittens. I feel good and clean and whole around them. That's it, though. Otherwise I'm either raging, numb, or sobbing into a pillow.

I'm so jealous (not a nice feeling at all) of Jeff's new drawing. Isn't that lovely? The good clean parts of me are genuinely excited by what he is doing. That nasty horrid parts (which are, as mentioned, in ascendence) are SO MAD that HE can still drink and smoke pot and make art until one in the morning while I cry in rage and pain into my pillow in the bedroom. Why can't HE be pregnant? At least for a week? I get really worked up about that one. As if the universe created this system just to make me miserable. This is not a pleasant development.

I thought I was supposed to feel better? Instead I have a horrible pain in my side that prevents me from doing things like bending over, coughing, lifting, and oh little things, like BREATHING. That's been going on for about a week and I think it's the root of all my current rage. Maybe not, though. Maybe this is just how I am whilst preggers.

This is a nice entry, Molly. Very nice. Fuck it.