You know there's a problem when you find yourself sobbing hysterically (think 3-year-old kid sobbing, complete with over the top hyperventilating and excessive mucus production) for an entire hour (first on the bed, then on the chair in the living room, finally curled into a ball on the kitchen floor) because you do not have a graduation cap for the mandatory college graduation ceremony to take place tomorrow.

The night before it was because I left the dogs and kittens alone too long.

I'm having Jeff call me today at 1 pm with an "emergency" to get me out of tonight's retirement party for one of the teachers. It should be a very nice affair, I believe, but I just can't face it.

Am I deluding myself that I'll be able to get through teaching next fall? I don't know what else I would do, so it's not like there's some other magic answer. But really, how is this going to happen?

I'm scared to death to tell them that I'm pregnant. It seems like all teachers are responsible enough not to have their babies in the middle of the semester. I read somewhere about how college professors plan their pregnancies for the summer and if they miss that window, tough shit. No baby. My anxiety is so out-of-control that I am certain they (who?) will be thinking nasty thoughts about How I Should Have Planned More Appropriately.

See? It's already got me in tears, just thinking about it.

And! I have got to find homes for the kittens (I don't WANT to) before it gets any harder. But I can't bear the idea of separating them.

I'm a mess.

Three weeks of no teaching, though.

Any ideas where I can get a black mortarboard for tomorrow's fucking graduation? Anyone?