I always wanted a baby girl. I got four brothers and a (wonderful wonderful wonderful) son. My only female family is my mom and she's so...batty and not normal (she's pretty much 90% alien, I ain't lying) that I don't think she counts. Not that she's not great, but she's definitely not what I would call "girl" or "female" or "of the human race."

All of which is to say: I am the very proud mama to one gorgeous baby girl who is, rightthisminute, looking at me in a very serious and curious way. Her name is Matilda Rose. Jeff is having naming remorse and thinks she should be Eleanor. I see his point, but I like Matilda better. I had naming remorse with Ossie and now I can't imagine him any other way. The greatest thing about the name is that Ossie calls her "Tila" which, you know, sounds an awful lot like Atilla. So apt for a 9 pound 13 ounce bundle of sweetness.

And this kid is sweet. She came so gently into the world. Fast, like Ossie, but nice. I never wrote down Ossie's birth story here, I think. Suffice to say: labor was really fast and really really really painful.

This labor was completely different. I thought I was going in to labor last Wednesday (as you know). I was dilating, effacing, contracting. But then my parents arrived and my mother was all high-pitched and nerve-wracking and we still didn't have a working toilet in the house, etc. etc. So it stopped.

My parents kept suggesting castor oil. And then they'd say: but no pressure! By Friday I was so annoyed that I went back to work.

Saturday morning I woke up and decided to walk. First by myself, then with my dad (who is great--completely exempt from annoying parents complaints) & Ossie. We went down to the creek and Oz splashed around and then we walked home and still nuthin. So we decided to move in to the house. I put together cabinets and we got our new furniture and voila! We magically had a comfortable, air-conditioned place to hang out in. I have been waiting for this moment for about 4 years, friends.

We ordered pizza for supper and after we ate we decided to go for another walk and that's when it started. This was around 8 pm ("don't you mean 8:15, Mol?" says my mother who can't LET ANYTHING GO and also takes everything exactly literally and arg...). There was still some light and I walked ahead of everyone else. The woods were exactly where I wanted to be at that moment. We all arrived at the creek and I watched Ossie and Jeff frolic for a bit, then decided to head back home. Jeff walked with me while Ossie stayed with my dad (thank GOD for my dad. He is Ossie's very favorite person in the world, which made this whole thing possible).

I walked so slow that my dad and Oz caught up to us. Jeff decided to run ahead and warn my mom to stay away (nicely) so that we wouldn't scare the baby back in again. At this point, I thought I was really in labor, but was not convinced (see: last Wednesday). Am I being too detailed here? I can't tell.

Anyway. Jeff put Ossie to bed and I listened to Bonnie Prince Billy singing about Eleanor thrashing and also this:

I�ve been with you for a fairly long time,
May I call you, may I call you, may I call you mine?

And you are near, an� been with me,
May it always, may it always, may it always be,

Please don�t leave my side, remember I love you,
None of what I have done wrong was really done against you,

If you love me and I�m weak, then weaker you must love me more,
To reinforce what�s all so strong, and all the love we have in store,

By example you showed me, livings alright,
Stay here with me, stay here with me, stay with me tonight,

And come with me when I go to the bedroom,
And we�ll play bride, and we�ll play bride, and we�ll play bride and groom,

If you had not been born you know,
What would I? What would I be then?

I would not have strength to grow,
And be counted, and be counted among men.

Please don�t leave my side, remember I love you,
None of what I have done wrong was really done against you,

If you love me and I�m weak, then weaker you must love me more,
To reinforce what�s all so strong, and all the love we have in store,

And in the morning we�ll wrestle and ruin our stomachs with coffee,
Won�t we be, won�t we be, won�t be happy?

We will rise in anger, love and ardour,
Shining, shining, shimmering in loves armour.

which reminds me how very much I love Jeff. The world was quiet.

Later I went to bed. I slept for about an hour and woke up at 11:30 with a strong contraction. So I got up and timed contractions and listened to Bonnie Prince William some more

(...its cause we love the now
we love forever love and how
and my lifes your love anyway
and your lifes my love everyday
you are mine o now forever
think of you always wherever)

and Jeff came to join me and I realized I should probably call the midwife at midnight when my contractions were getting very close together. They didn't hurt terribly bad, though. But I knew I needed to get 4 hours of antibiotics because I tested GBS positive and also it was the middle of the night so I wanted to give her a heads up. I called, told her what was up and she said, "how soon can you get here?" and so we left.

There was the most beautiful orange half moon I watched through every contraction as Jeff drove us in. Beautiful dark liquid night. I can't imagine being in labor during the heat of the day.

We arrived and I was already 8 cm dilated, pretty much completely effaced. I almost yelped with joy because I still had not been in any real pain at this point. I mean, I could definitely feel these contractions--they stopped me in my tracks, but they did not hurt like they did with Ossie.

The nurse and two midwives were there but they just let me and Jeff be. I labored in the birthing tub. We were quiet and Jeff held my hand during the contractions. By 2:30, everything became heightened and more intense and the midwives came back in and so kindly helped me push this baby out. This part hurt, but it only hurt for those last 15 minutes or so. I delivered her in the water and she was immediately placed on my chest and I felt that rush of holiness that I missed out on with Ossie and the midwives sang Happy Birthday to my baby girl while we waited for the cord to stop pumping blood. Then Jeff cut the cord and helped to weigh and measure her while I cleaned up and got on the bed. And then we talked for a minute or two and slept and the midwives hugged and kissed me good night and that was it. I was ready to go home by 3:30 am.

Of course there was also paperwork and observations and a shot and a hearing test blah blah blah. But it was all done so peacefully and gently.

In the morning, my parents brought Ossie and breakfast and we all ate together and then we came home.

It's been harder since then, to be honest. Breastfeeding has been a real bitch this time--it was a snap with Ossie. But I think we've got all the kinks worked out today. And the influx of people has been hard on everyone. My parents went home on Tuesday & Blythe and Piper arrived later that day but left yesterday. So today is the first day we've had to ourselves.

I'm home alone with Matilda right now and that's been really nice, too. I've been so worried about making this ok for Ossie that I've not even allowed myself to really focus on my baby girl, so I'm grateful for this time. She's so damned peaceful and quiet. I am falling in love.

Pictures up at flickr

I'm going to update there in a bit.

I think I'm really happy. A girl. A girl! Plus, Ossie. And Jeff.