I woke up into the dark small wee hours, stretched myself out of bed, made green tea, felt the new cold lying with my head against Basho�s sleep-warmed body on the kitchen floor. I meant to make up the exam for class today. I meant to write paper assignments for class tonight. I watched the sun rise instead. I despaired, also. I had fits of despair this early early morning. Inky bad blackness sits on my chest.

I spent the morning here at work composing the exam. I found only four typos on a 6 page test after making all my copies, so I was pleased. Usually I find horrendous and embarrassing mistakes that make my students giggle at me. Not today. Today they were respectful of the fierceness of my exam. K. said, I�m going to grow hair on my chest after this. It was tough. I was in a ferocious mood whilst making it. Sorry darlings. I�ll grade easy.

I have much to do this afternoon. I want to sink.

I�m with Jeff on the issue of machines. Let�s break em all. (The truck is fine. The air is dry, therefore the truck is fine. It was fine last night, even. Drove around with Bash for a bit. My pops said he�s calling me on Saturday to talk me through replacing the distributor cap if anyone is curious about these matters. I mean, I am.) More than anything I want a life with convenient machines. No computer. No car. No phone. No TV. No microwave. No radio. No CD player. No alarm clock. No iron. No hair dryer. No dishwasher. I want it to be hard. Hard for real, not hard for anxiety over little slips of paper. I want it to be hard to get a hold of people and I want it hard for them to get me. I want to have to work for my desires.

Walking home last night, I crested a hill and for a second, so still, I could see the world as itself. Without the imposed maps of streets that make me think in right angles and short cuts. I could see the curve down to my house, for just that second. Then it was gone and the highway came roaring back and the hundreds of cars (I keep thinking too how Angel called them demons and while, yes, that was a cheap joke, I�m still thinking about it and it�s pretty much dead on) sliced my path right in front of me, right to ribbons.

Tia. Leave me the fuck alone. I am not in a right mood for you. I do not care about the extended new Lord of the Rings video or whatever it is you�re yapping about. Shut it.

Something else I do not like: yappers. I like quiet people�or people who have the ability to be quiet. This one here, this Tia, does not have that ability.

Contrary to everything you�ve read so far, I�m in a good mood. The day is lovely. Everything is fine as a fall day in the south. Except for the black weight right here on my chest. I don�t know what to do about that. I don�t know what to do.