I�m faking sickness today. I�m at work but I haven�t been all week and I didn�t want to use any vacation days but the ice was so treacherous and I couldn't drive on it so I called in sick yesterday and therefore I�m pretending, today, that I have a cold and that I�m taking Sudafed for it. You see?

There�s a fucking retirement party this afternoon. Fuck me and fuck you. I hate everything. Retirement is stupid.

Also: Basho would not pee this morning on account of the stupid ice. I walked him and walked him and therefore I had no time to do crazy things like wash my face and brush my hair and put on clean, respectable clothes.

Also: Frankie couldn�t wait to pee this morning and so did it all over the bed and my shoes and various other things lying about.

Also: Jeff was even crankier than me and that was BEFORE he spilled his coffee all over himself and the truck while talking on the phone and driving over very treacherous ice. He yelled fuck motherfucker goddamn shit! Which was funny.

But it sucked this morning, it just sucked so dang much.

What did not suck, however, was waking up because that we did in our brand new loft which we built yesterday. It�s so fucking awesome. I will take pictures. I love it. We put our mattress up there and it�s warm and lovely. I like to look down at the rest of the room, at the tin wall with the big painting newly hung upon it and the blue couch with the dogs and Harold. It�s so awesome. On the way in this morning sometimes Jeff would say, I�m sorry, but don�t you just love it? In the midst of all that cranky crankiness, don�t you just love it? I just love it.

So J-bird and sftitz sent email trying to get our annual reunion thing going this year. My first impulse when I got these emails was, hell yeah! Let�s go! It�s going to be so fun! Then I remembered the last time. Blythe just wrote saying she wants to do it too. And then I wrote that I won't be joining them. That was really hard. It feels weird, antithetical to all my impulses, to say no to those boys. I know it�s the right thing to do though. We�ve got such a sick family dynamic and, since, as far as I can tell, I play the loser who everybody insults and pities and makes fun of, I�m pretty sure I don�t want none to do with that family. But it�s hard, because those three folks have meant so much to me in the past. In the past.

Anyway. No more! I am drama queen! I cut you off, you mean people!

So I did that.

And now I have to do work and then later I get to go home again to the miraculous and wonderful LOFT!