I'm maudlin today. I'm having one of those, this is the last book I'll probably ever catalog again and these are probably the last spine labels I will ever print or iron and this is my last Wednesday, getting ready for the New Book pickup on Friday. I just want to burst into tears about everything. Today.

I love the library. I love my job here. I believe in my job here a hell of a lot more than I believe in English Departments and Higher Education. Ugh. Public Libraries, however? The Best Democratic Institution This Country Ever Produced. Full stop.

If I made the same amount here that I'll make in the english dept (how weird to get into teaching for the money--shows you how low my tax bracket actually is), I'd stay. Even without all the extra time off. If I got all the extra time off but without the extra money? I'd stay. Probably.

I'm just terribly terribly sad to be leaving here. It's so nice here and quiet and simple and I am not a one who thrives on hectic and complicated.

I have terrible thoughts about how I wish I hadn't got the job. Sometimes I wish I just hadn't got the job publicly so that I could secretly turn it down and then LIE that I didn't get the job. It's so stupid. All of it. Me.

I promised myself that if I hate it, I only have to do it until I'm mostly out of debt. Or five years, whichever comes first. And then I can come back to the library.

Oh library. Oh book trucks. Oh library glue and archival paper, oh mylar book jackets and current lit flags, new books and gift books, errata and book plates. I miss you all, already.