I'm moderating a chat session in my online classes right now. So far, out of 50 students, one showed up. Actually, that's one more than I thought I'd hear from.

This was the first time I have done chat. I have successfully avoided all things chat for lo these many years because the pressure of instant communication makes me anxious. I'm not even kidding. I have been a nervous wreck all day about this (as I am for every phone call (except to Jeff), every pop-in, every package delivery--it's ridiculous). I sometimes even get nervous opening completely innocuous emails from friends. This is embarrassing to admit. I finally figured that I must be a bit out of the ordinary when I called Jeff on Sunday IN A PANIC because I knew there was the possibility that our friend Molly would stop by and Jeff had said he'd be home by 3:30, which was the earliest she'd be there, but it was 3:15 and HE WAS NOT HOME. He came straight away but we had to make an extra trip to town later to pick up our vegetables. In other words, I think it's gotten worse post-baby.

I started looking up social anxiety and looks like I fit into that neat DSM-4 box perfectly. Explains mucho. I think I'm pretty good at coping with this. I mean, I'm a teacher. I talk in front of people every day (though I do admit a profound preference for these online classes where all my interactions with students have a bit of lag time). Anyway. I'm still a-working on it because I don't want my kids to have a shut-in for a mother. Even though I'm a natural at the shut-in-edness. I even went to a party on Saturday night, which was totally totally fun. A band played (our friends--they call themselves "The Bad Mothers." And the drummer is a stay at home dad. They played Lucinda Williams songs and it was great), and there were roasted oysters and dozens of other kids.

Just had another student chat! How about it. It's actually going fine. Just so you know. Actually, I kind of like it.

Anyway. Party = The Big Fun

Jeff's working late tonight painting in Carrboro. Babes are all peacefully sleeping. I just want to watch an episode of Friday Night Lights (so good!) and go to bed.

Oh Brittania that was! If you are reading this! It was your birthday just the other day! You were 30, yes? OMG YOU ARE SO OLD. Will write you email soon as I adore you and I promise I won't even be nervous if you write me back. Happy belated b-day

And Jeff's home. Ta!